Camelot
by Platinum Angel1
Summary: The Posse is no more. . .suicide and Saifuu, what a combinaton. . .


Camelot:  
  
The day was drearier than any day she had ever witnessed. Gray clouds peeped out from behind a massive willow tree, casting a great shadow over the few people standing underneath it. Light droplets of rain were cast over the small concession, and onto the deep green grass at their feet. The air was a heavy bitter cold, and every exhalation of the crowd could be seen in a misty cloud coming from shivering lips. It certainly wasn't the way she expected this event to be. When she thought about it mentally, she would imagine a glorified occasion that was worthy of a hero or a savior. This was far from that.  
  
~I'm not a hero Fujin, it's what I deserve.~  
  
Fujin Sanada had never been very good with words, and despite the raw emotion she was feeling right now, she'd never had any excuse to express herself with words. She was always lacking the emotion or the passion to speak. But now that she had the greatest amount of emotion inside of herself, she just couldn't find the words to express them.  
  
Bringing a pale hand down to idly pull at the hem of her ebony skirt, she quietly observed the people around her. They didn't have the right to be in this hallowed place, to witness this event and act as if they were some important factor of the situation. He wouldn't have wanted them here; he hated them and all that they were.  
  
~It hurts me when you talk about me in past tense Fuu~  
  
Her eyes began to mist over, like they had already done thousands of times in the past week. She had almost forgotten how to cry until this happened, in fact it was the only time she could remember crying in her entire life.  
  
A solitary tear slid from her crimson orb, and down her pale cheek, as her eyes focused on the one thing she had been trying to avoid looking at.  
  
A silver coffin . . .  
  
She tore her eyes away as swiftly as she had passed them over the shining surface, and turned back to the crowd standing around her. They did this to him. This was their fault.  
  
~I took my own life and they had nothing to do with it, it wasn't them at all . . .~  
  
The moments from then on seemed to blend, like increments of time sewn together with the thread of insanity. The priest's lips were moving, his stark white hands gripping a small black bible, reciting words he had memorized by heart. It was most likely the same ordinary incantation given to every spirit. But the man being buried here today, amongst the flowers of the Centra continent was far from ordinary, and deserved so much more.  
  
She sat surrounded by a small group of people, people she had known all of her life. Yet she had never felt so alone . . .  
  
Squall Leonhart, Zell Dincht, Quistis Trepe, Selphie Timlitt, Irvine Kinneas, and the one and only Rinoa Heartilly, all gathered together to pay mock respect to their foe. She cursed Rajin for inviting them all here and letting them witness the burial of the greatest man to live. They didn't deserve it, they hadn't loved him like she and Rajin had, and they weren't his friends. They were his murderers.  
  
~It had nothing to do with Leonhart. I wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of being the cause of my death. For someone that's known me for so long, you know so very little about me Fujin.~  
  
She closed her eye and sighed quietly, trying to keep her defensive walls from crumbling down around her. But the image of the coffin, of him killing himself, of her not being able to save him, plagued her mind. She remembered seeing the blade, and the precise cut along both of his wrists, and his bloody hands reaching out to her, beckoning her to sit with him for his last moments. She remembered holding his head against her chest until his last breath had left his body, trying to comfort him, or maybe hoping that some how her love for him would keep him alive, like some romantic fairytale. But nothing in life is a fairytale, and when his body racked and he let out his final exhale, she knew that nothing in her life would ever be remotely close to one.  
  
Why? Why had he done this? Didn't he know that she loved him? That she would have helped him if she knew he was in so much pain?  
  
~I loved you too . . . I . . .I still do~  
  
She felt a hand touch her shoulder, knowing instantly that there was only one person who would attempt to interrupt her personal space right now. She brought her own hand up to cover the large bronze one, and looked back at him with tears in her crimson eye. He made a swift nod towards the coffin, which was now being lowered into the earth. She would have jumped from her chair to stop it if Rajin's hand hadn't held her down. She gasped, and let out short ragged breaths, as it started to sink lower beneath the brown soil.  
  
"And now, we shall return him to the Earth, to be forever inside the-"  
  
Listening to the priest's words only made her uneasy, so she blocked them out, and watched as a Balamb Garden flag was laid delicately over the coffin by Cid Kramer, and it was then laid to rest beneath the earth's crust.  
  
She sat for what felt like hours, her body numb from the strange cold that swept over the valley, just staring into space, recalling not only the day of his death, but any thought of him that she could remember. She would never truly be rid of his memory. Her home smelled like him, every room held memories of him, and it certainly wasn't going to be the same without him. A voice broke her silent revere, brining her back to reality, a place that her friend would never be again.  
  
"Fujin, the service is over. You've been spacing out the whole time, ya know. Why don't we just. . ." But his words faded, inaudible, as she saw the blond instructor edge from behind his muscular form. She watched with a narrowed eye, wishing that her hands would stop trembling so she could wring the woman's neck. She gritted her teeth, and pushed her friends hands off of her shoulder. Rajin motioned for Quistis to walk away while he talked to his albino friend.  
  
"TRAITOR. TAKE GIRLFRIEND AND LEAVE. NOT WANTED HERE."  
  
~He's only trying to help you . . .don't push him away. We both know you won't see him again anyway, don't we? ~  
  
The mans chocolate colored eyes were filled with hurt, but she didn't care, she turned away from him, noticing that the grave was almost covered, and would soon look like the surrounding land, except for the oddly large tombstone that was protruding from the ground. The man frowned, and backed away from her.  
  
"I loved him too, ya know. You're not the only one who's hurting Fujin." She turned to face him, her eye narrowed once again.  
  
"And you didn't have to watch the person you've been in love with your entire life die, did you Rajin?"  
  
~Fuu . . .~  
  
"No I didn't, but I hafta watch two of my best friends leave me." His voice cracked, and he ran his enormous hand over his face to brush away the tears that were forming in his chocolate brown eyes. "Fujin, don't distance your self from me, because I need ya, ya know?" She turned her back to him, and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"I'm sorry Rajin, I know it's hard for you too" the words fell oddly off her tongue, she wasn't even sure she was speaking them out loud. "But I just need to be alone for a while. Please . . .just take them away from here . . .please."  
  
The tremble in her voice made Rajin shudder. Fujin was the strongest woman he knew, she was a warrior that could kill people with her bare hands . . .and who had done so several times. And to look at her now, standing before him so small, fragile and utterly alone, you would never be able to tell that she had been a warrior.  
  
'I guess no matter how many deaths you see, you're never quite prepared to face somethin' like this . . .' Rajin was about to walk closer to her, wanting so badly to take her in his arms and let her cry on his shoulder, but he knew she would never accept it. She would wait until everyone was gone, and then she would throw herself upon his grave and cry so loud that the heavens would hear her anger for taking her love away.  
  
"Rajin . . ." Her head turned to the side a bit, so her crimson eye could see him slightly.  
  
"What?" He questioned, admiring her pale profile against the dark gray of the sky.  
  
"Don't worry about me . . . I'll be fine soon. Take Quistis and her friends home and let me have some peace, ok?" He was about to walk away, but then he pushed all rationality aside and walked closer to Fujin, throwing his arms around her waist and pulling her tight against himself, and kissing her softly on the cheek.  
  
"I love ya Fujin, you're the only family I've ever known. I just wanted ya to know that in case somethin' ever happened to me or-" He felts her hand touch his arm, asking him for silence.  
  
"I love you too Rajin, don't ever forget that." He smiled, probably the first time he had smiled in a week, and kissed her cheek one more time before releasing her and walking away to meet Quistis and the rest of the gang, leaving Fujin to sink back into her dark thoughts.  
  
"Miss Sanada?" Fujin turned around by instinct, to see the priest standing behind her, carrying a bundle wrapped in a black cloth and tied with a twine string  
  
"He left some things for you, and a note. I thought you might want them now." She nodded again and waited in anticipation, as he handed the items to her.  
  
"You may not wish to look at these now. I'm not sure what the contents are." She nodded again. "Well . . .may the Lord bless you and keep you safe my child." And he too walked away, leaving her to watch the last few shovels of dirt being smoothed over the ground.  
  
Her eye shifted down to the package in her hands, and subconsciously, her fingers pulled on the strings that held the cloth together. She cradled the large, heavy bundle with one arm, knowing already what was inside. Smoothing the cloth away gingerly, her hands brushed over the warm metal of Hyperion, and then the smooth leather of his beloved trenchcoat. She kneeled down on the ground, laying Hyperion out in full display, gazing at the wonderment of the weapon that made her friend into the man that he was. She ran her fingers over the blade lovingly, and then over it's name etched in the side. Forged from the strongest metal on Gaia, and the ashes of his parents from the first sorceress war, Hyperion was not only his protection . . .it was his only link to the past. This was his most prized possession, and he hadn't wanted it buried with him?  
  
~You were what I prized most Fuu, not some piece of metal . . .~  
  
She put the trench coat on, wrapping it around her body and inhaling deeply, taking in the sweet scent of his cologne, the musky vanilla and cinnamon scent that filled any room when he walked into it. And then her eyes fell upon the letter, with her name written chaotically on the envelope in black pen. Her hands were trembling as she picked it up, and ripped the envelope open. She struggled to pull the letter out without tearing it and began to read:  
  
~Fujin,  
  
I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. As I sit here and write this I can only think only of two things. One is of how angry and disappointed you must be with me, and the other is of how much I will miss you. It seems like just yesterday. . .that chance meeting I had with a scrawny albino girl and her clunky-bronzed sidekick. Who knew that the rag-tag pair would become my family? You two have been so supportive and loyal to me, I can't thank you enough for that, especially you Fuu.  
  
Y'know, I always thought that I would die in a noble way. Not as a martyr or anything, because I knew I'd never give my life for a cause, I'm too selfish for that. But maybe as someone that was respected or even considered by people as something special. I wish I could believe that I was set on a pyre and sent a-float in the ocean like the great king of Camelot that I read about when I was a child . . .but that wish is about as washed up as my 'romantic dream' isn't it? I'm probably gonna be buried in the ground, marked only by a ordinary gray stone, and forgotten. That's probably the one thing that Squall Leonhart and I will always have in common . . . the fear of people never knowing we existed.  
  
So do you see why I did it Fujin? Do you see why I followed the sorceress like a lost vessel would be drawn to a beacon? I knew I could never really explain it to you then, and I don't know as if I can now. The only thing I can say is that I'll go down in history as something. Maybe not the golden hero that could have the world follow him without speaking. So maybe I'm the bad guy, the treacherous villain in a child's storybook . . .but someone had to be. I guess people forget that the enemy makes the hero into what he is, and if there were no enemy, there would be no hero. At least I have the comfort of knowing my name will be on the lips of people for generations to come . . .  
  
As to why I pulled this newest stunt . . . It was for you and Rajin. You two have been my strength and would have followed me to the gates of Hell if I asked you to . . .I probably would never have to ask. You would follow me without question, in your silent knowing way, and Rajin would barrel along behind us as usual. Dammit Fujin, didn't you ever want to ask why? Or was your faith in me so great that it blinded you?  
  
Anyway, I guess I wanted a better life for you, one without the burden of me. One without having to worry about bringing our weapons out in public for fear of attacks, one without having to save me from gang fights and having to move from city to city to keep under cover. I didn't want that for you two. I know, I know, we just bought a house in Balamb. . .a house with two bedrooms and a view of the ocean. The perfect house for our posse ne? The one we always talked about, the one you always dreamed of. I didn't want you to have to leave that behind because of me, I didn't want to ruin your life because of my mistakes. I wanted to set you both free of me . . .I've felt so much more like a tyrant than a friend to you two. Neither of you have known life without me, and now that I'm gone . . .I want you to live it to the fullest.  
  
I have to say, leaving you behind was the hardest decision I've ever made, because I dreamed of it too. The whole picture, a family and everything, I wanted what you wanted, even though I didn't show it that often. I'd hoped these past few weeks that we spent together showed you what I felt for you. I think they did, because this decision was so hard to carry out when I thought of you. All of the memories we've had together. The first time I saw you, the first time we danced together, our first kiss when we were fifteen years old, and of course. . .making love to you in our new home, holding you in my arms and watching you breathe underneath the light of the moon . . . I wouldn't trade those moments for anything, I love you so much Fujin, I always have. No matter where I go from here, heaven or hell, you'll always be on my mind. And no matter who you end up with in the future, you'll always be my Fuu.  
  
Fate does some pretty twisted things. Sometimes things that we never expected to happen come to pass, and we're faced with things that we never knew we'd face, and we come to conclusions we never thought we'd reach. This was the situation for me; this was life for me Fujin. Failure after failure, shock after shock, and disappointment after disappointment; the only good things in my life were you and Rajin, and I was ruing you. Do you think I could stand for that? I am Seifer Almasy after all, and I may be a sick man stripped of pride and dignity and I may be the world's enemy . . . but I'm loyal to a fault, I'm loyal to my Posse, and by Hyne I wouldn't see you suffer because of my mistake.  
  
After all this has been said, I know what you'll be thinking. "Wouldn't leaving us make you a traitor Seifer? Wouldn't leaving me mean you didn't love me?" and I know that I'll be watching you from somewhere, above or below, and I'll be smiling and sobbing at the same time. No Fujin . . . finding the strength to leave means that I love you more than you'll ever know.  
  
Well, I guess I should end this now before you come home and rescue me, you've saved me enough for one lifetime. Take care of yourself Fujin, and don't forget about me . . . live your life but never forget me. Tell Rajin I'm sorry I never went fishing with him whenever he asked me to . . .but don't tell him why, I'm not so sure he would want to hear about our adventures in Balamb . . . sorry, I guess this is the wrong time to crack a joke, but that's me right? I was never one to conform to the standards of society. I pray to Hyne you'll listen to this last bit of advice . . .don't follow me this time, try to live on your own without me . . . you may like it more than you think you will. See, I know you like I know the back of my hand, following me here only defeats the purpose of my death.  
  
I can't think of any other way to end this but saying that I love you, and to go wherever the wind takes you.  
  
Love forever, your friend, your knight, and your lover  
  
Seifer~  
  
Fujin bit her lip, and pulled the letter against her chest trying to fight the words she didn't want to escape her mouth, the guilt ridden phrase that had been plaguing her mind since the day Seifer died. Her teeth dug into the soft flesh, letting the metallic taste of blood touch her tongue. Her lips parted out of instinct, and with tiny crimson lines forming on the dry flesh, her mouth moved plainly, and her eyes became blank and distant.  
  
"I hate you, "she whispered quietly to the air, with her hands desperately clutching the grass below her, and her eyes now streaming with tears.  
  
"I HATE YOU SEIFER!" She screamed, and pulled her knees defensively to her chest, rocking back and forth, with her body collapsing in sobs.  
  
"You lied to me, you said we'd be together forever, that's we'd be a Posse forever . . .you said you'd love me forever. . ." She mumbled, almost incoherently.  
  
~It wasn't a lie! Dammit Fujin, there hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't loved you! ~  
  
She wiped her tears way, despite her trembling, and picked up his gunblade, with nostalgia running through her veins. Her pale finger traveled momentarily along the sharp, glittering edge, and the reflection of a man shone oddly in the pupil of her eye. She then looked to the tombstone that decorated Seifer's grave, the plainness of it enraging her. All to suddenly, she strode towards it, and with the cry of a warrior, shoved the blade through the center of the stone, letting it magically slice through the granite. His grave would be plain nevermore. With a small rock she found on the ground, she scratched words onto the smooth surface of the stone, and then stepped away, looking at her improvements one last time, and then turning in the direction in which the wind blew.  
  
The wind beckoned her, called to her to move with it willingly, and she did so because of his last request. Each step she took was filled with determination and courage beyond anything any mere human could imagine. And as each gust of wind ran over her skin, she could feel Seifer's hands coaxing her to continue.  
  
~Please don't Fuu . . .it's not what I wanted for you~  
  
Step after step, she came closer and closer to a bluff, which overlooked a small river that ran rapidly over jagged rocks. Her feet came to a halt when they touched the very edge of the cliff, and she ran her left foot idly along the edge, almost daring death to push her over.  
  
~If this is what you want . . .I can't turn you away . . .I don't have the strength to tell you no.~  
  
The wind pushed at her back, and she revealed a morbid smile. Her heart pounded in her chest, and sounded like a drum in her ears. She looked down to the bottom of the cliffs, and as if following her gaze, she spread her arms like a great eagle, and stepped over the edge.  
  
The wind swirled around her, and pushed against her small body in resistance, stealing her breath away and suffocating her as she fell. Fear and panic welled up inside of her suddenly. This was the end? Would she see him again? She closed her eyes, and memories of the past flooded her senses, Seifer standing next to Ultimeca . . .fighting Leonhart, kissing her . . .sleeping peacefully next to her . . . She opened her eyes reluctantly, seeing the rushing water approaching, and she began to cry in fear. What if she never saw him again? She closed her eyes, and tried to think of something other than hitting the hard rocks below.  
  
~Don't worry Fujin, I'll catch you, open your eyes~  
  
Her eyes flew open at the sound of his voice in her head, and she smiled as she saw him standing in the water beneath her, his arms spread open, waiting for her to fall into them.  
  
And then she could breathe again . . .  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The tan man sat in awe; he never knew he could ever feel quite this alone. With angry hands he wrung his head, and stared at the stones before him. Two stones, two friends, two people that were never destined to part. He mentally kicked himself for leaving her alone. He should have known she could never live without Seifer.  
  
He knelt down solemnly, and placed orchids on each of the graves, running his large hands over the stones, and then letting one travel over the gunblade that protruded oddly form the hard rock.  
  
Who knew Fujin was strong enough to slice through stone? Then again, who knew either of them would have ended up like this.  
  
The suddenly, an odd scratching of words on one of the stones caught his eyes, and he knelt closer to read the phrase. Puzzled by the words, he assumed that Fujin had written them, and that they were some deep secret shared between the two. They had many secrets together.  
  
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned around to see the warming smile of Quistis, her blue eyes shining down on him with sympathy.  
  
"Are you ok Rajin?" She ran her hand though his short black hair, as he sniffled lightly.  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna be ok," he stood and took her hand in his "lets go, I've been here a long time, ya know." Quistis smiled at him, and kissed his cheek lightly.  
  
"Sure, lets go home Rajin." He entwined their fingers, and walked towards their small blue rental car, with a long uncomfortable silence passing between them, before Rajin recalled something that was in the back of his mind.  
  
"Hey Quisty? Do you know anything about Camelot?" Her brows knitted together in confusion.  
  
"Sure, why do you ask?" He chuckled lightly, and then put an arm around her shoulders.  
  
"Maybe you could tell me about it one day, 'cause I seem to be the only one who doesn't." Quistis leaned into him and laughed quietly, and he laughed in return. He ran the words that were on the tombstone over in his head, as he opened the passenger side door for her . . .  
  
'More noble than any hero in Camelot.'  
  
************************************************************************ Ok, so I know this is weird, I'm just trying to get myself out of my writer's block stage! I've been trying for about two months . . . and THIS is what I've produced . . . depressing isn't it? Oh well, hopefully this has jogged my muses . . . cross your fingers! I know, it's cheesy, but I have to get some of this junk in my head out so I can write something good!!!  
  
Oh yeah, and if anyone was lost ~these were around what Seifer was saying~. REVIEW :) 


End file.
